It began, as these things often do, with a perfectly harmless mistake.

Pippin was in the Shire, looking for second breakfast, when he stumbled upon an unfamiliar recipe in the back of the Green Dragon Inn’s kitchen:

“The One Ring Batter — crispier than the fires of Mount Doom.”

Naturally, Pippin assumed it was a cooking challenge. Within an hour, he had deep-fried several onions into perfect golden rings. What he didn’t realize was that one of the onions had absorbed the actual One Ring when he’d accidentally dropped it into the oil.

Somewhere far away, Sauron paused mid-evil monologue.
“Wait,” he muttered, “why do I suddenly smell fried food?”

The Fellowship Forms (Again)

Gandalf arrived in the Shire two days later, wearing his usual robes, but with a suspiciously greasy beard.

“Pippin,” he said gravely, “you have done something very foolish.”

“Oh no,” Pippin said. “Did I break the timeline again?”

“No,” Gandalf replied. “You deep-fried the most dangerous artifact in Middle-earth. The Onion Ring of Power must be destroyed.”

This led to the creation of a new Fellowship:

  • Frodo, Ringbearer (now Ring-Eater, reluctantly)

  • Sam, loyal companion and potato enthusiast

  • Aragorn, Ranger, now also the designated onion guard

  • Legolas, Elf, self-proclaimed “gluten-free warrior” who refused to touch the thing

  • Gimli, Dwarf, sworn enemy of fried vegetables but deeply curious about onion rings

  • Boromir, who could not stop muttering “One does not simply eat Mordor”

  • Gandalf, who kept stealing bites when no one was looking

The Journey

They set off toward Mordor, but the Onion Ring of Power had side effects.

  • It smelled so good that they were constantly pursued by wild boars, orcs, and at one point an entire marching band from Bree.

  • Whenever Frodo wore it, instead of turning invisible, he became visible everywhere — his face appeared in all reflective surfaces, including spoons.

  • Gollum followed them, muttering “My preciousss… fried… delicacy…” while wearing a paper hat from the Green Dragon Inn.

Legolas complained constantly. “This quest smells,” he said, “and not in the poetic Elvish way.”

The Final Confrontation

They reached Mount Doom at last, but Sauron was ready. His great Eye appeared in the sky — except now it was bloodshot from crying over the tantalizing scent wafting into Mordor.

“Frodo Baggins,” he thundered, “give me the Onion Ring, and I will spare Middle-earth!”

Before Frodo could respond, Gollum lunged, grabbed the Onion Ring, and took a massive bite. His eyes went wide.

“This… this is even better than raw fish!” he cried.

Unfortunately, the Ring’s magic didn’t like being partially eaten. Mount Doom erupted — not in lava, but in molten cheese. The great Eye blinked twice, then toppled over.

The Aftermath

Middle-earth was saved, but the lands were forever scented like a medieval fast-food joint. The Green Dragon Inn rebranded as The Green Onion, and Sam opened a chain of “Baggins’ Bites” stalls across the Shire.

Gollum was last seen somewhere in Gondor, running a suspiciously successful street food cart.

And though peace returned, legends spoke of a faint crunching sound heard on quiet nights — as if somewhere, the Onion Ring of Power still lingered… waiting.