It had been three years since the molten cheese eruption of Mount Doom, and life in the Shire was peaceful. Sam was mayor, Frodo was writing a cookbook called There and Snack Again, and Pippin had started a band called The Second Breakfast Club.

But one day, a strange announcement appeared on the tavern notice board:

COMING SOON: The “Master of Meals” cooking competition, hosted by world-renowned chef Gordon R’amsay (definitely not Sauron in disguise).

The Master Chef of Mordor

When Gordon R’amsay arrived in the Shire, he wore a tall chef’s hat, sunglasses, and a smile that looked like it had been borrowed from a tax collector.

No one suspected a thing… except Gandalf.

“That’s Sauron,” Gandalf muttered. “I can smell the dark seasoning on him.”

But it was too late — half the Shire had already signed up to compete, and the grand prize was “The Secret Recipe for the World’s Most Powerful Onion Ring.”

The Contest

The cooking competition was pure chaos:

  • Sam made potato dishes so good they made the judges cry.

  • Legolas presented a plate of perfectly arranged lettuce leaves and called it “Art.”

  • Gimli grilled an entire boar and sprinkled it with deep-fried breadcrumbs “for cultural balance.”

  • Frodo tried to make a normal onion ring, but it came out glowing faintly, humming the theme to Concerning Hobbits.

Gordon R’amsay/Sauron kept pacing the kitchen, yelling things like:

  • “THIS STEW IS SO RAW IT’S TRYING TO FORM ITS OWN FELLOWSHIP!”

  • “YOU CALL THIS A SALAD? I WOULDN’T SERVE THIS TO A RINGWRAITH!”

The Reveal

During the final round, Frodo realized his onion batter kept refilling itself — the One Ring’s magic had somehow survived in crumb form.

Sauron threw off his chef’s disguise (hat, apron, and suspiciously tiny fake mustache) and shouted,
“FINALLY! THE RECIPE SHALL BE MINE!”

He reached for Frodo’s glowing onion ring… but Pippin, thinking fast, tossed it into a vat of boiling oil. The explosion of flavor was so powerful that it banished Sauron’s spirit once again — this time into the shape of a disappointed soufflé.

Aftermath

The Shire celebrated with a week-long Onion Festival. Gandalf left early, mumbling something about “needing to prevent Mordor from inventing garlic bread.”

Sam finally published There and Snack Again, Frodo retired to a quiet life of non-cursed cooking, and Pippin went on tour with The Second Breakfast Club, now featuring a new hit single: Don’t Go Bacon My Heart.

And somewhere far away, in a dusty corner of Middle-earth, a lone soufflé whispered…
“Next season… I will rise.”